Behind the Name - the.writer.cosplayer

If you’ve followed my cosplay page for a while, you may have noticed that I recently changed my handle. (If you’ve been following me for a really long time, you know that this is actually the second time I’ve done so.) And since names — in particular the chosen names we give ourselves on the internet — are of great interest and importance to me, I thought I’d write a little bit about my decision.

I adopted the name nataliaannecosplay roundabout 2017 as part of a healing process. I was coming off of a bad breakup with the individual who had first introduced me to Marvel and asked me to join their cosplay group, and claiming this name as my instagram handle was a way to reclaim this character who was — and remains — incredibly important to me. Along with the handle change, I began to more fully dedicate my Instagram page to cosplay, more specifically of Natasha Romanoff. I was taking my cues from others in the Black Widow cosplay community.

I had allowed myself to be convinced that there was a “right” way to be a cosplayer, and I was pouring all of my effort into accomplishing that.

Social influence is a very powerful thing. It’s human nature to want to fit in. Having this community helped me to feel powerful and confident, to display more of my work and to take partnership with other artists. I booked shoots with photographers that were recommended within the community, and I tagged and shared others for #widowwednesday. And the more I tried to fit in, the more I realized that my efforts were not reciprocated by some specific people who held their own ideas around the “right” way to be a Black Widow cosplayer.

I’m going to say one thing before this goes any further. There is no “right” way to cosplay. If you are having fun, if you are being true to yourself, you are doing all that needs to be done.

I lost that sense of fun a little bit, and part of the reason for my extended hiatus has been in finding it again. And I do love and enjoy cosplay. But I am a writer before I’m anything else. My love of cosplay was born out of my love of writing. I learned the word fanfiction in sixth grade, but really these stories have been in my head for as long as I can remember; it was only a matter of learning to write them down. And since I do not possess —no, I will be kind to myself, since I am still developing — the skills to illustrate my stories, cosplay was a way to bring them to life.

I have never made a secret of the fact that I don’t believe that screen accuracy is the be-all-and-end-all of what makes a cosplay. I come from fandoms that originated as books. Harry Potter (oh don’t worry, we’ll get into more of that), The Lord of the Rings, the Tortall universe, Narnia, and yes, I even hold Marvel in that category. And while these have all been interpreted for screen and stage and had cover art drawn by better illustrators than me, I have always believed that there is so much more to explore in regards to cosplay, and to fandom. Why should we limit ourselves to a single interpretation?

The final straw came mid-2020, when another member of our community Facebook group was not-so-politely told that no one wanted to hear about their fanfiction anymore; maybe we should start our own group for that, since this group was strictly for cosplay reference. Or not so strictly, since plenty of other to-that-definition off topic posts about merchandise, fanart, and comics were made left and right. Privately, I messaged a member of that group whom I considered a friend, and told them I was hurt by it. That as a writer myself, I no longer felt like I belonged. And that friend defended the comment that we should make our own group.

So here we are, two years later. I have never personally been ashamed to write fanfic, though I have in the past been careful about who I told, because I know it gets an unduly bad rap in many fandom circles. And I’m finished doing that. I can call myself a writer, an author, becase fanfiction helped me to hone my skills. I’m proud of those skills, just like I’m proud of the skills I’ve developed as a cosplayer. This is how I express myself as an artist.

I’m not giving up Black Widow any more than I’m giving up cosplay, and I’ve retained an account under nataliaannecosplay to ensure old tags still link back. I will continue to write, I will continue to build cosplays that are based in the moments that have inspired me, and most importantly I will continue to grow. My new name on Instagram reflects the journey I’ve been on, and the more diverse content you can expect to see as I return from a much longer than anticipated social media hiatus.

If you’ve read this far, I thank you. I don’t have this space to write and share my story without my readership. If any of what I’ve written here echoes your own experience, I’m sorry; know that you are welcome in this space, and that my email and messages on Instagram are open. If you want to see more of my writing, you can find my fan fiction on AO3 (I won’t subject you to the age-old items on ff.net), where I have written for Marvel, The Hobbit, and Protector of the Small.

I love what I do. I won’t be bullied out of it. Believe me, if I can’t get some of these original characters to leave me alone after 15+ years (and that’s the youngest of them, don’t ask about LotR)… well, good luck to anyone else who tries. It’s only going to result in more of this glory:

My latest cosplay build (October ‘22). Aubrey of Stone Mountain. Featuring Spikey, also wearing Stone Mountain colors.